The Man, The Legend?
Name: John Hefner
Birthdate: 3/3/83
Birthplace: Washington, DC
Height: Taller than Arnold Schwarzenegger, shorter than
Richard "man-god" Moll.
Weight: 180 lbs.
Bust: I have one of Shakespeare
(but don't lift up his head and push
the red button, that's a secret).
Waist: A mind is a terrible thing to...? Hey, they can't all be winners.
Ambitions: I'll never be a mainstream hit, but I bet I can earn cult status. Therefore, I dream of becoming a cult of personality figure like Tarantino, Whedon, Ellis, Colbert, and Palahniuk. I want fans who scare the ever-loving crap outta me.
Turn-Ons: Ernest Borgnine, Bea Arthur
Turn-Offs: bleached bottle-blond bimbos with bogus boobs… banana.
Virtues: I can mix a mean Manhattan.
Vices: I can mix many a mean Manhattan.
Guilty Pleasures: Meat Loaf (the singer and the food)
Favorite People:
Fictional: Harvey Dent, Hal Jordan, Prince Myshkin, William Cutting, Cyrano de Bergerac, Dr. Victor Von Doom, Dr. Otto Octavius, Bub the Zombie.
Real People: John Leguizamo, Werner Herzog, Danny Elfman, the Rat Pack (even Peter!), Jules Feiffer, “Beat” Takeshi Kitano
Hefner's Night Out: Hey baby, what say you and me grab some dinner, drink some wine, and go hit up the David Cronenberg film festival?
Five CDs I Can't Live Without: The Oingo Boingo Anthology, “Murder Ballads” by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, The Fountain soundtrack by Clint Mansell, “Security” by Peter Gabriel, and the White Album.
Why I Could Never Be President: I would insist on dressing up as Bill the Butcher to all major events. And if things got really bad, I would don a suit of armor specially forged by Tibetan monks, then randomly curse Reed Richards for all my country’s woes.
My Philosophy: I'm a hopeful pessimist (The glass is half empty... but someday, it WILL be full!).